Usually, as far as this trip has gone, there was at least a fifth of a roll hiding somewhere in the bathrooms. I've got nothing except a hankey in my back pocket. So instead of wiping my ass with my hand, I wipe it with a piece of cloth that was supposed to be used to wipe my nose. I do my business, and throw the hankey in the corner of the bathroom, so when I shower, it'll soak for a bit and I can wash it. I exit the bathroom, and get my camera together to go out. As Hahn enters the bathroom, I hear "What is that on the floor?" "Oh, that's my hankey." "Did you wipe your ass with that?" "Yeah." "Ohhh maaannn...that's disgusting." Hahn walks back out of the bathroom. "Dude, you're disgusting!" Hahn is now dying laughing. "Why am I disgusting?...I had to wipe my ass!...What was I supposed to wipe my ass with?" "I don't know, but not that!...That's disgusting, you're ridiculous!" "Whatever man. I don't know what I was supposed to do. Wiping my ass with my hand isn't exactly my optimal choice." "Ahahahha...Hahahah...you're disgusting! I can't believe you did that." "You've never wiped your ass with anything other then toilet paper?" "Oh man, no...never." "Never?" "No, never." ...Somewhere along the line the conversation shifted a bit... "So Hahn, you've never shit yourself?" "No, never!" "Bullshit!" "No, I've never shit myself in my adult life." "That's crap son. I don't believe that for a fucking second. I shit myself once every 2-3 months, and you're telling me you've never shit yourself as an adult?" "That's right. I've never shit myself as an adult."
That conversation went on for a good 20 minutes as we got ready to leave, and eventually run into Lucky. As we wake up the next day, we find mosquito bites all over us, as apparently there were about 15 of them hiding in the curtains waiting for us to fall asleep. So we get our gear on, and scout out a small eatery we found on the map, finding out there arent a ton of places serving breakfast. We find the eatery, 2 back alleys behind a back alley. Oddly enough, its not a bad spot, its just empty. So Hahn and I have the run of the restaurant, and order a shit ton of food while watching the only tv in the place showing single scenes from popular american movies. That was the whole show. It showed a scene, then commercials, then another scene from a different movie. The waiter, who took our order, disappeared upstairs for about 30 minutes while we sat there straight chilling by ourselves. The food eventually made it down the stairs, with our server and I believe the cook, a kid our age with one good eye. I'm not sure they new quite how to serve us, as they seemed very hesitant to do anything with the food. Perhaps they just wanted to get everything perfect. Anyway, the food was great, we got an assortment of stuff, from spicy and hot, to cold and bland. We took our time and relaxed, laughing about Lucky, and not being left for dead by some two-bit gem hustler in fine threads and a fancy car.
After eating, we decided to walk to the bizarre we went to last night, as we noticed a throng of stores we passed on the way riding in the tuk tuk. Hahn was looking for some cheap dress shirts for work, and I wanted to see how cheap Puma gear was, since that shit is made somewhere in India. So we walk, and we walk, and we walk some more. Hahn goes in some places...I go in some places. We saw a shit ton of Jaipur yesterday, so there's really zero hurry. We mosey about a mile from our hotel, when just like that, in a blink, right there on the sidewalk...I lose Hahn. He was walking right next to me, and I look over...and he's gone. I stop, and turn around. After a small crowd of people go around me, I see him, 15 feet behind me, standing still. He has a strange look on his face, like he can't figure out a math problem he once knew the answer to. I walk back to him. "You alright?" "Yeeeaaahhh." We start walking forward again, and Hahn takes 3 steps.
"Nope.......I shit myself." "What?!...AAAHHHHahahaha." "I need to find somewhere like right now." Hahn shuffles his feet ever so gingerly as he walks, most likely squeezing his butt cheeks together like his soon to be wet legs depended on it. There are zero restaurants where we are, all commercial storefronts, so we duck down a side street. Off to the side, there are a bunch of rundown and abandoned tuk tuks, along with some scooters. There seems to be a small path way behind all of them, to an extremely small alleyway filled with weeds and random debris. "Hey, checkout back there...just climb over that shit and dump out in that little alley." "Alright....Hey...Ummm...You wouldn't happen to have that hankey would you?" "Are you serious?...How fucking ironic is this!!" I throw him the hankey in my back pocket (thanks to allergies I usually pack 3 for the trips like this). 15 minutes later, Hahn re-emerges from the alley. "What happened to my hankey?" "Yeah, you didn't want that back." "Well now what?" "We need to go back to the hotel, I need to take a shower...it was everywhere." "AAhahha hahah.....awesome"... 
So we walk a mile back to our hotel, and I didn't stop laughing the entire time....well, until we got about an eighth of the way to the place, where I had to run, since I to, now have to shit.
As I sprint up the steps to the second floor, I almost shit myself. As I fumble with the keys to open the door, I almost shit myself. I leap and bound to the toilet, and breakfast shoots out of me. And since Hahn used my toilet paper I had stored in my back pocket, I just took off my shoes, took off my pants, stripped down, and walked 3 steps into the shower, and took a cold one and thoroughly cleaned myself...Hahn would have to wait.
Afterwards we ate lunch at a pizza hut just to see what it was like...and it was expensive. We talked with the only employee who spoke english, had a lovely chat with that kid, and continued on the path where we left off. We make our way back to where we were, and find the Puma store. Unbelievable expensive. Bullshit. Go into a couple of thread stores, and finally end up at the market. At some point it turns dark, and we wonder around some more. Hahn gets into a shirt store, and, well, he can tell you how well the nice cheap dress shirts worked out....Hahn drops a small rupee fortune on dress shirts...Hahah, India strikes again! We dick about the rest of the night, as the city bizarre readies itself for their festival of lights, starting the next week.
