The city of life, death, abhorred stenches, and home of the Ganges... A very old city (i think i read its a few thousand years old) with maze-like narrow streets. We picked up a tuk-tuk driver at the station. Krishna, was a fun guy but arrogant as hell. He hooked us up with a nice room that overlooked the Ganges for about 10 bones a night. We left the hotel through the narrow streets and were greeted by cows, shit, stray dogs, and other miscellaneous things that were strewn about the road.
The first thing we did was grab lunch at the Lotus Restaurant. It was a roof-top restaurant, situated next to the Ganges that served some good food. The food was a step up from the dried fruit that sustained us on the train. Soon, a friend of Krishna docked his boat in front of the restaurant and we climbed down to take a ride on the infamous Ganges.
Monsoon season must've just passed since people were blasting mud off the steps. We road up and down the Ganges taking in the view of the Ghats. Ghats are the places where people wash/pray/? on the steps. We even saw Assi Mcghat... I'm working on a t-shirt for that. About half way up the river we picked up this squirrely guy who made a leap from another boat to our boat. His momentum almost carried him over the side, but he nonchalantly sad down in the boat. His next action was a bit shocking... he reached down into the water, scooped up a handful of murky water, and drank that shit! swished it around in his mouth... just about everything you don't want to do with that water...
If you wondering why you shouldn't drink from the Ganges, here are a few reasons; raw sewage lines empty into it, people bathe/empty bowels into it, dead people get dumped in it, and almost everything that ever lived in it is extinct, ie. fresh water dolphins. But, being in born in India, you are bestowed with some super power that allows you to drink the Ganges and not die.
Back to the boat... we listed to our squirrely guide retell the history of the Ganges 2 or 3 times. Then we stopped and watched some cremations from the boat... there were 8 pyres going at once. According to the guide, cremations are a continuous 24 thing because getting your body cremated in the holy city sends you straight to Nirvana.
A little further down the stream we watched the closing ceremony... pretty boring actually... the high point was drinking chai. We then went back down the river towards our embarking point. We paid the boatman and went up on the ghat where we could watch a cremation - up close and personal.
Feeling a bit out of place, we were told the ceremonies and customs behind it. There are 7? types of bodies you can't burn, 3 funeral classes, and the more money you have the better wood you can buy. They also pull out the man's ribcage and the woman's hips and toss them into the river. Not as gross as it sounds since there are rendered to charred bones before being thrown in the river.
and now, your moment of Zen
Response:
Ahhh...Varanasi. What can one say about one of the holiest of holy cities in all of India, all focusing on the Ganges River, and the steps, or Ghats, that lead down to it. Many people can be seen praying near and washing themselves in the Ganges. And as Hahn mentioned, numerous festivals and most importantly the cremations. Sadly, with all of these extremely important cultural identifiers, you can on a daily basis also watch the people march down to the river and dump their garbage and waste right into the river. Jesus 'Shiva and Vishnu' Christ. What a bunch of honked out bullshit. Anyway, after picking up Krishna, who was a wanker, and who apparently knew fucking everyone in the city, we headed to grab a hotel, and to eat. Don't get me wrong, Krishna was pretty cool, and would later get into some shenanigans with us, and we were grateful that he turned out to be the coolest tuker we would meet. But anyway, getting to our hotel led us through a literal maze of very small alleys, about 13-15 turns, but it was cheap and right on the Ganges. It was about 4 stories up, and the walkway to our room was thin as hell and the stone railing was about 4 feet high. Perfect for getting drunk and falling to your death at one in the morning. Anyway, we opened our room door, with a key and lock from the 1600s, and entered our 1 star suite. We were in there for about 1 minute when a monkey climbed down from the outside wall and came in to check us out. Hey monkey. Then it disappeared. We also had a 10 inch green guard lizard chilling above one of the beds. I let Hahn have that one. He complained that he would wake up to the thing gnawing off his nose, and I calmed him down by letting him know he didn't really need all that cartilage, just two straight holes to breath that sweet Japanese air through. Ok, so I didn't say that. I just told him to sack up and get his wallet cause he was paying for dinner since I was still reeling from that carpet purchase...fucking carpet. Anyway, Krishna took us back through the narrow alleys, big enough for about 2 humans and a sacred cow, and we ate while taking in the sunset of the river. The rest is described above, sans the fact from the river you could see the gangs of monkeys attacking each other on the rooftop. Awesome. Also, at night, watching a religious festival, people would buy and then light thousands of votive candles, put them on a piece of paper, and float them down the river. That's nice....wait, what about when the candles melt to the paper, and the paper...sinks. Great, more shit in your holy river...way to think that one through. Afterward we wondered the ghats with Krishna and watch dead people burn....
Hahha... Assi McGhat....good call Hahn, almost forgot about that ->
See: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assi_Ghat
And: http://assdetective64.blogspot.com/
Now combine them together and you get season 3...Assy and Sanchez become India's first cops!...you listening Adult Swim?...no, of course not...you cancel all your best cartoons after 2 seasons...wankers.
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